This is a big deal, to love anyone else’s kids so hard, especially someone who you’re auditioning for front row seat in your heart. So we never really had a relationship without children in it. I may have loved them even before I admitted I loved my husband (I was a slow drip on that one). His boys were 5 and 7, and they were the quirkiest, bounciest children, who made Tigger of Winnie-the-Pooh look a little infirm. I had the dad-vantage of my husband already being a father when I met him. To keep things from falling off entirely, it helps to think of the way your partner parents as really sexy, and to know your parenting seems sexy to your partner, too. So why couldn’t I try to meet that?Īs I say, though, we aim for regularity closer to the paycheck cycle. As receiving? Actually, my husband was such a giver. I was giving, but wasn’t I also receiving? That wasn’t how I’d been conditioned to see or feel sex. But the energy that flowed freely during the day between my husband and I, when we were supposedly “cultivating” our sex lives, was worth it. Just for the hell of it, for about two weeks, I tried it. That seemed about the most unfeminist, disempowered statement anyone could have offered. A friend who had had her own share of troubled relationships told me after my first was born, “You should have sex whenever he wants it.” ![]() Here's how that looks for us.įirstly, about sex. What does it mean to seal marriage off from children? Can you seal a cloud off from rain? To “babyproof” means something a little different: that you show love and respect for each other outside your roles as parents. ![]() ![]() I mean, the baby literally sleeps between my husband and me, taking over the vacancy my 2-year-old left when he moved to his little bed across the room. To “baby proof” your marriage is to seal it off from the kids, so nary a whiff of kids permeates your bond? Not sure that’s a thing. When people talk about baby-proofing a marriage they usually mean DO YOU STILL HAVE SEX with your person? Like, enough? (Enough for whom?) I don’t particularly like the term though. And then the days pass by and before I know it, I’ve forgotten (again) to think enough about my husband, or about us as us. However, my feelings about things inevitably degrade by the time my tiny children emerge from the bedroom ( all of our bedroom). Be warned that I’m writing under the influence: since my husband and I just had our bimonthly liaison at 4 a.m., I feel like my marriage after my second baby is on top of the world.
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